I’ve been feeling a little silly lately, realizing that almost all my Facebook statuses (because, of course, that is the true barometer of real life) are related to parenthood/my children. I’ve wondered if the funny things A says are really the most interesting part of my life (according to FB feedback, the answer is a resounding YES).
My friend AR and I were talking about parenthood recently and she mentioned a friend of hers who has had a tough transition to motherhood, fighting the change of her identity from person to mother. AR said something about understanding the difficulties, but also feeling like parenthood shouldn’t be that much of a fight.
That really hit home. I certainly am guilty of “fighting” motherhood. As evidenced by my little FB status insecurity above, I get panicky when I feel like my entire life is consumed by my kids. I might even have to admit that a big motivation to be back in school is my desire to have something other than motherhood define me. (Really, this is me being a broken record because this theme has come up OVER AND OVER in the past three years.)
That said, at this very moment, I am feeling content with the balance in my life. I turned in a paper yesterday and successfully completed a group assignment. I slept in this morning and have spent the afternoon so far catching up on e-mails and cleaning the kitchen. Anna is upstairs napping and Lucy is right here, sleeping on my chest in the front-carrier. After P gets home from work, we will go to pick up our CSA share, then we might make a stop at the library to pick up the Laura Ingalls Wilder books, which I have yet to read (!!) and which we hope will be a good choice for our first foray into chapter-book bedtime reading for A. Then home again to make dinner and do more house-related chores before A goes down for the night and P settles in to do some reading for class tomorrow.
I still feel some envy when I think about my friends with careers and social lives. But when the day comes when my life is more clearly defined by my job, I know I will miss these days.
Yes, that is a pile of laundry behind L.
**incidentally, A just woke up from her nap. I offered her a graham cracker and she exclaimed, “I’m so LUCKY… if you want one, I can share mine with you!” Yep, my kids are the most interesting aspect of my life right now and really, that makes ME lucky, right?